


Tomorrow

by Anake14



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, England and France friendship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, One-Sided England/France (Hetalia)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 12:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9727337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anake14/pseuds/Anake14
Summary: Alfred loves Arthur but their relationship is always one way or another and he knows it's bound to end, but no matter how he tells himself he's strong enough to leave he can't ever seem to.





	1. Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> I'm eventually going to stop giving in to other story ideas. Eventually. However that day is not today. Inspired by the song Tomorrow by Chris Young.

Alfred hated knowing that what he was doing was detrimental to both of them, he knew how it would end as it would always seem to. It would end in another fight and he would swear up and down it wouldn’t happen again, that tomorrow he’d be stronger. That tomorrow he could walk away. This time he meant it.

“Arthur,” he started, but the other man just cut him off. “Don’t…just don’t, Al. Not tonight. I can’t do this.”

“We never should have started this,” Alfred said, his voice strained.

Arthur barked a laugh. “We shouldn’t have started this? That’s the first intelligent thing you’ve said today.”

Ouch, and if that wasn’t a blow to Alfred’s pride. He cared for the other man, truly he did, but they were always fighting and it was always about something stupid. It almost made him feel bad for Francis who had a similar problem with Arthur. Almost. Honestly he hated the very thought of the two of them in a relationship, but theirs was hardly any better and Francis was usually the one to start those fights by pointing out Arthur’s flaws. The fights between him and Arthur were usually childish and because Arthur treated him like a child.

“I…can I hold you tonight?” Alfred asked, his voice quiet. He hoped he could, hoped he could show all his love and emotions in a single embrace through the night and tomorrow when he walked out the door he wouldn’t be tempted to look back. He would be strong enough not to call the man and bother him or walk by his house just in hopes of a glimpse.

Arthur did not want to but reluctantly agreed. Alfred gave him a small peck on the lips with every intention of pulling back, but like with everything else with Arthur it became explosive and out of control, like fire and gasoline heating quickly and burning them up. Their lovemaking was slow, gentle, oh so tender and when Arthur fell asleep in his arms Alfred wished the moment would last. Giving the sleeping man a kiss on his shoulder Alfred whispered a barely there, “I’m sorry.”

It hurt that in the morning he knew they would regret this and it would just be another source of their shared pain and tears, another source of heartbreak and sorrow. He buried his head in the crook of Arthur’s neck as they lay on their sides. Tomorrow he would leave, walk away from all of this like he always said he would, he couldn’t take this anymore and Arthur was at his limits as well. He knew that was what Arthur had meant when he said he couldn’t do this today.

He would listen to what his brother said, ever the voice of reason even in his head; he would listen to what Matthew said and end this relationship that only caused them harm. They weren’t good for each other at all and he almost always felt so small in Arthur’s eyes, like his presence hardly mattered to him at all and he wasn’t good enough. They weren’t any good for each other at all.

Tonight though, he didn’t want to think of that. He just wanted to hold Arthur in his arms, forget everything that would come the next day and the fights, regrets, and tears bound to happen for one last night. Tonight he just wanted to love the other man without thinking of tomorrow.

He closed his eyes and drifted off with Arthur in his arms into sleep. He dreamed of life without Arthur not for the first time. A life where he wouldn’t call the man because he longed for him and his heart hurt without him, even though Arthur would never believe that. A life where he didn’t stop when he passed by Arthur’s house even when he wanted to, no matter how much it hurt him to stay away from Arthur.

When he woke up he saw Arthur’s smile of contentment as he slept and felt a pain stab his heart right through, cauterized as though it was burned at the same time. Arthur would never look like that for him when he was awake. When they were on good terms with each other things were great, better than anyone would ever know, but that was part of the problem. No one knew. Sure they guessed and assumed, but they didn’t know for certain because Arthur didn’t want them too and Arthur even went so far as to treat him differently in front of everyone else. It hurt Al to have Arthur treat him that way, but he never said anything because he wanted Arthur happy and if he didn’t want anyone to know about their relationship Alfred had decided to go along with it, even if he wanted to climb a mountain and announce his joy to everyone and the heavens themselves.

Alfred got out of bed quietly, leaving Arthur to his rest where he could smile and still be so happy without Alfred. Alfred would walk away, but this time he wouldn’t come back. For all he loved Arthur he didn’t know if their relationship was even worth trying to save with everything bad that’s happened between them. 

He dressed and left the room as quickly as he could, entering the kitchen. In a way he figured it was a good thing no one knew they were together, that he had his own place and never really left much here at Arthur’s because this would have been more painful. When he was about to walk out the door Arthur padded into the room, arms crossed. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving, letting you go,” Alfred responded.

Arthur stared at him almost uncomprehendingly. Alfred continued, feeling the need to clarify. “You made me promise I would someday at the start of this. That I would leave and let you go if it was clear we aren’t any good for each other. We can’t keep doing this Art…Arthur,” he said, preventing himself from using Arthur’s nickname. “We only hurt each other. I needed last night. One last night to love you with all I have and let you go so we stop this.”

Alfred unlocked the door and rested his hand on the knob, looking back at Arthur and taking him in one last time. “Goodbye, Arthur.”

Before he could open the door he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. “Don’t go Alfred. You know I…” his voice was thick with emotion and he knew Arthur’s throat had halted the words he wanted to stay. Turning in Arthur’s arms he wrapped the smaller male in his embrace. He wondered if he would be strong enough to leave tomorrow.


	2. Leave the Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by the song Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers.

In the end it was Arthur who packed his bags and left. The fight had gotten so out of hand like so many others but Alfred had had enough as well. It was Arthur who had said the first of the damning words.

“I don’t even understand why you stay around. All you and I ever do is fight and then you treat me like I’m some overbearing bastard that you can’t stand to be around.”

Alfred flinched back, but his eyes hardened. “I wouldn’t have to pick fights with you if you acted like you love me. If maybe you could just give me a fucking clue and not be stuck in the middle of your own uncertainty of whether or not you love me. I can’t stand staying here knowing you’re so unsure and then you treat me like a fucking child because you’re the one with doubts.”

“I guess that says it all doesn’t it,” Arthur said.

Alfred shook his head trying to clear his mind. It had hurt and he hadn’t meant the words to be so spiteful, but Arthur had hurt him first. Arthur who was always so unsure of if he loved Alfred, but never so much enough as to let him go. Not that Alfred wanted him to. Alfred couldn’t imagine his life with anyone other than Arthur.

He snorted. “You’re going to leave it like that, Arthur? You’re going to be a fucking coward and walk away because you can’t stand up to your own uncertainty and make clear what you want? You’ll drag out the heartache for years and leave me here to pick up the pieces?”

“You are the one who pointed out my flaws. I’m just trying to make this quick. Clearly neither of us is truly happy, and I want to be, Alfred,” Arthur stated coldly. “Get over it and move on for all I care.”

Alfred stared at Arthur dubiously. How could he say that so easily? How could Arthur just give up when Alfred had spent so long fighting for what they had? It hurt, to see his efforts so callously tossed aside in an effort to leave him behind. Was he truly so horrible a memory to the other man?

“It’s not fair you know,” Alfred said softly, “how you just kept me hangin’ ‘round, waiting for you. I love you, Arthur, and if this is going to be the end I hope you leave the pieces of me I gave to you when you go. I may not be smart or well-mannered or cultured, but I’m damn good at fixing things. Maybe I can’t fix our relationship, not that there was much of one on your side, but I’m hoping I can pick up the pieces and put myself back together.”

“I don’t want to hurt you Alfred,” Arthur said. “I’ve never even seen you cry. You’re stronger without me.”

Alfred couldn’t comprehend how the man could say that. He had cried plenty in Arthur’s presence, but if it was tears he didn’t want to see, he couldn’t understand how the man could say that to his face and just stand there watching, as if trying to see his reaction. He was drowning in pain and heartbreak, but if Arthur truly didn’t want to see his tears he could hold them back a little longer.

“I’ll be fine, just take your love and hit the road,” Alfred said, a pained smile crossing his lips as he watched Arthur about to say something before cutting him off. “There’s nothing you can do or say right now to make this better, you’re breaking my heart anyway.”

Arthur once more motioned to say something, but Alfred couldn’t stand the concern in the other man’s eyes for the mess he was leaving him. He could pick it up; pick himself back up, eventually once the man was gone. He hoped. Or at least he thought he did. Alfred shook his head at Arthur who wisely kept his mouth shut.

Alfred turned away and walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He was so close to breaking down. God, why didn’t he ever listen to Mattie when he said this is what would happen? How could he fall for someone so contradictory? Why couldn’t he have fallen for someone who loved him in return? 

He turned on the water and splashed his face. His eyes were stormy, his own clouded uncertainty of whether he wanted Arthur to stay or go, but Arthur’s uncertainty was killing him and if he chose someone else then it also made their relationship a waste of his time to put effort into, much as he hated to admit something like that. 

Arthur stared at the bathroom door where Alfred had disappeared through. Maybe he was harsh on the younger man, maybe he was uncertain, but he had honestly never thought anyone would be able to love him and there were few that actually could stand him. Arthur did love the younger man, but he didn’t know to what extent and that frightened him.

They were both hurting, Arthur understood that, and the fight had been his fault, but his heart and Alfred’s heart were both on the line, and Arthur could no longer bear that burden. He could stand to put himself down and accept others words and judgments, but it always hurt a bit more when Alfred was involved. Their faults, their stubbornness, their personalities just crashed. Arthur tried desperately to convince himself he was just following through with the inevitable…who cared if Alfred was a little right that he was conflicted in his love?

He called the one man he always turned to in times he required a friend that would never turn him away. Francis.


	3. Someday When I Stop Loving You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song Someday When I Stop Loving You by Carrie Underwood.

Alfred watched Arthur get on the bus from the window at half past nine. This was it; he was really leaving this time. The two of them would no longer be a couple. Silent tears streaked down his face, but Arthur never looked back, after all, he had already called Francis. He contemplated extremes, perhaps going and walking in front of the bus, just to see if Arthur would get off for that.

In some ways Alfred felt that Arthur had already moved on from their relationship. Alfred had always silently wondered if he was the 'other person' in the relationship from their odd love triangle, especially since Francis had loved Arthur first.

Yet in his mind other memories stood out so clearly.

_/Flashback/_

_Alfred lay next to Arthur completely content. They stared at each other and contemplated a family._

_"Do you want a big family?" Alfred asked._

_"After my brothers? Not really…it's not like children really like me anyway," Arthur muttered._

_"I loved you, you were my best friend even then," Alfred said softly, using his hand to caress Arthur's cheek as the other man blushed._

_Arthur playfully swatted Alfred's chest. "You've always been an exception. I think the problem is too many males. Maybe we could adopt little girls?"_

_Alfred smiled. "They'd be beautiful. We could name one of them Alba."_

_"After my grandmother?" Arthur asked, slightly surprised._

_Alfred's smile grew as he nuzzled into Arthur's shoulder and pulled the smaller male closer. "She was one of the first to accept us. She's a good woman and a strong role model."_

_Arthur smiled as well. "In that case we should also name one of them Aiyana."_

_"I think my grandma would love that," Alfred said._

_/Flashback End/_

Alfred wasn't so certain he could move on like Arthur had. Certainly not as easily. Alfred snorted. He'd loved Arthur for so much of his life he couldn't see himself falling in love again and moving on until the desert floods and the grass turns blue.

He was like a ship without a moon, without constellations, Arthur had taken his light. He wasn't sure he'd ever get it back either and the very thought was breaking his heart, but he could get through it. Of that he was certain. He just had to figure out a way to live his life without Arthur.

He shuddered at the thought. Arthur had been such a large part of his life the only way to escape that would be to leave. To leave behind his friends and family…a new start somewhere else, maybe a big city or perhaps an isolated country. He was due to start his residency as a doctor, maybe he could volunteer for a foreign country relief aid and spend his time like that?

Someday he would stop loving Arthur, but right now there were just so many reminders everywhere. He had put everything on the line for this love of his, but it hadn't been enough. Watching Arthur leave had been one of the hardest things he had ever done and he had to start letting him go somewhere. But could he really leave his life behind?

The more he thought about it the less he _wanted_ to do so. But he needed this. Needed to leave and get away, needed time to deal with the situation so he could move on too. Like Arthur had.

No matter the thought still sent pain through him, he would stop loving the other man someday. Right now it broke his heart, but he would get through it and someday when he stopped loving Arthur, maybe he could find his own happiness.


	4. Like We Never Loved At All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four song is Like We Never Loved At All, sung by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw.

Alfred had his pick of places to go for his internship. Once he commented he'd like to study medicines abroad and possibly learn alternative methods of healing his councilor brought up a list of places he could choose from and told him he was making a good decision.

"People don't realize that medicine isn't just about a person's physical needs, but sometimes their emotional ones as well. What works for one may not for another so learning what you can to further your boundaries makes you wise beyond years," the councilor said before sending Alfred on his way.

Alfred hadn't really thought of it like that. He had just wanted to get away from the reminders of Arthur to move on, but if by doing this he could help more people he was glad to do it. He liked helping people and even if he never fell in love again he thought he could be happy just helping. There was something about other people, their expressions of relief and gratitude, it didn't make him feel self-important rather it humbled him. People would put their lives in the hands of doctors and trust them, and it always humbled him to see how something as small as helping or offering diagnosis and treatment could offer hope.

When he left the councilor's office he was still unsure as to whether or not he wished to leave just yet, that fragile hope that maybe Arthur would return niggled in the back of his mind, but he carefully put the idea to the back of his mind in a box of things better left unsaid and locked it away.

The idea was cinched for him when he caught sight of Arthur walking with Francis four days after his talk with the councilor. They were walking beneath the city lights, Arthur looked so _happy_. They were laughing and it seemed as though neither had seen him, or if they had they looked right through him.

Alfred's heart sent a jolt of longing and pain through him. Here he was stuck on Arthur's goodbye still, but Arthur kept going on with his life. Alfred wondered how Arthur could just walk by not a single tear in his eye or even the barest hint of regret. Didn't Arthur have even the slightest of feelings left for him?

He shook his head of the thoughts. Arthur had always hid his feelings exceptionally well until they all blew up in epic proportions in front of him. Maybe that was his way of dealing with the pain? Forgetting everything they had, like they had never loved at all?

Alfred couldn't do that. Not with how much everything meant to him. Before he knew it, he stood in front of Mattie's apartment.

"Hey, Al."

"Mattie," he responded offering a tired smile.

"How are you?" Matthew asked pulling his brother in for a hug and moving to let him in.

Alfred sighed. "I don't know."

Matthew offered a sympathetic smile. "Francis and Arthur are doing fine. Gilbert told me they got together."

Alfred nodded. "I saw them, it seems like they're doing well."

Matthew winced. "I'm sorry."

Alfred shook his head. "I don't think I ever had the chance. I should have listened to you when you told me being with Arthur was a bad idea, that we just weren't good for each other."

"I was jealous Al, I didn't mean it like that."

Alfred stared at his brother waiting for Matthew to elaborate, so he did. "You and Arthur have always been kind of close and I felt like I was losing you. You're my twin, you've always been there for me, but when you were with Arthur or anyone else it felt like you were forgetting about me and so did they. I don't stand out the way you do and when you notice me it makes me happy. If you left I thought I wouldn't have anyone anymore, even though you were really happy. At the same time you and Arthur are always fighting, little things become a big deal and you always end up hurt. I didn't want this to happen."

"Thank you Matthew, for being the best brother I could ask for," Alfred smiled.

That was as close as they had ever gotten to actually talking about how they felt about each other, because really, the words weren't needed. The gratitude and love were always there, along with everything else they would need to fall back on when hurt.

Another week had passed and time just seemed to slip by as Alfred contemplated his decision. He couldn't say he wasn't looking forward to it. Matthew was getting worried about him because he hadn't laughed since the break up, but Alfred thought he was doing okay. He didn't know Arthur's secret to letting go, but he could focus on what was important.

His mind was set though. Arthur was forgetting him as though they had never loved at all. The magic Alfred had felt in their relationship, the blessing, the passion, like Arthur didn't even miss him. Alfred wondered if Arthur ever compared him and Francis, their kisses and the way they expressed their love, but he would leave. Alfred would let Arthur move on unhindered and he was set to intern in Italy.


	5. Picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five was completely inspired by the song Picture by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow.

With Arthur

Alfred's departure had been a shock to Arthur. The days felt slow and torturous, a slow hell that he wished would end. Francis had been a good friend to fall back on. Hadn't done anything to Arthur until they cleared their way through his uncertainty and feelings but by then it was too late.

_/Flashback/_

_"Francis," Arthur greeted._

_Francis nodded. "What can I do for you, mon petite Anglettere?"_

_Arthur huffed at the man who was posed, leaning casually against the doorframe with his arms crossed. "We have already spoken."_

_"Non," he refuted. "You said we had to talk."_

_"Public is not the best place to air one's laundry, Frog," Arthur snapped._

_Francis smirked. "No, I suppose it is not. Tea?"_

_"Yes, thank you," Arthur said as he and Francis moved into the house._

_"Really, why are you here, Anglettere?" Francis asked, making tea for his guest._

_"Alfred and I fought," he said softly._

_Francis frowned. "You are always fighting."_

_"This one went too far. It's over, Francis," Arthur said, his face twisted a bit in sadness._

_Francis slipped some whiskey into Arthur's tea, knowing the man would not open up further without some help although the fact he was a lightweight helped a bit too._

_By the time Francis had the whole story, Arthur was in his arms somewhere between distressed and needy, trying to kiss him. Francis took Arthur upstairs and gently laid him down. As he tried to pull away Arthur clung to him and pulled him down into the bed, trying and failing to kiss the Frenchman as he turned his head away._

_"Why?" Arthur asked brokenly. "Don't you like me?"_

_"Oui," Francis responded gently. "It is out of respect for you and our friendship I deny you."_

_"Why?"_

_Francis chuckled a bit. He had forgotten how childlike Arthur could be. "You would regret it later. If we ever became a couple I would not want you to regret such a thing. Besides, you are still very much in love with your Alfred."_

_"He's not mine anymore," Arthur slurred, already asleep._

_Francis kissed him on the forehead. "He was always yours, just as you have always been his. No one ever stood a chance between you two."_

_/Flashback end/_

In the months since Arthur left he would only occasionally catch a whisper of how Alfred was doing. Matthew would not speak to him, but Gilbert would slip a few words to Francis who would pass it on to Arthur. It was painful to hear of new friendships and he once heard Matthew speak of a Kiku who Alfred was claiming to be his best friend other than Tony the Alien.

In his attempt to forget Alfred he found himself thinking more of him and in trying to hide away what had been Arthur found himself wanting. He would catch glimpses of memories in every part of town and he thought, perhaps this is why he left. Arthur currently happened to be dating a sensible young woman by the name of Allison. The two were moving slow and she reminded him entirely too much of Alfred, but he knows that is what drew him to her, her smile like his could light up a room and her attitude was always so upbeat. When they fought it was playful and never really taken seriously.

He sighed as he realized he still had to clean up some things. Just as he was about to go into the kitchen his cat knocked over something from the book shelf. Arthur moved to go pick it up but his breath hitched as he caught sight of it. It was William Shakespeare's The Tempest. Alfred had given it to him, a little note inside, but it was the picture that held his attention. He had not thought Alfred had left even a single picture behind, but he was wrong. It was one of them together leaning towards each other. He took it to the room he shared with Allison on occasion and cried.

He put the picture away and drank his sorrows, by the time Allison came around he was drunk and he dragged her to bed as she giggled at his enthusiasm. He looked at her and saw Alfred. He wondered if maybe he could have changed for him. He turned his thoughts back to the woman before him, mischievous eyes shining and he thought of another pair before shoving it back down. He refused to give in to those thoughts. He couldn't think of him while lying next to her. It wasn't fair.

With Alfred

Alfred was excited when he first arrived in Italy. While he was not in a major city like Rome, the villas of the country were beautiful. He was being taught by an herbalist who followed the old ways of gypsy medicines, and sometimes he was reminded of Arthur and his fascination with the occult. Other days, he would enjoy time with the man's grandsons. Feliciano and he had hit it off really well, Lovino…he was himself. He didn't understand at the time, but they all had their masks and slowly they had begun to fall in place of true friendship.

Feli loved being around people, he was affectionate and caring openly, wearing his heart on his sleeve, but he had his insecurities well hidden. Lovino was the opposite; his hardened exterior protected him from himself and others. By acting like he didn't care, Lovino could act as though he wasn't hurt or afraid of rejection, but his insecurities always made themselves known. Alfred himself wore a mask of cheeriness and playfulness that were not entirely lies, just hiding his pain from the loss of Arthur.

Feliciano brought over Ludwig, his boyfriend as it were, and introduced him to Alfred. Alfred didn't understand how the two could be a couple until he saw them together. Ludwig was strict, loyal, and a seemingly unmovable stubborn person when it came to following the rules, but he softened for Feliciano and often talked with Alfred about medical procedures and practices. Admittedly, Ludwig himself only had a passing interest in medicine and his heart lay in engineering, something Alfred only ever dabbled in out of boredom, but they made a connection and a friendship.

Antonio was a bit more confusing. He seemed to just understand Lovino during the weeks Alfred was trying to figure him out. When he found out Lovino and Antonio were a couple he shrugged. It made sense to him because the two were so close. Like he and Arthur had been. The thought sent jolts of pain through his heart at the memories that threatened to overwhelm him, but he smiled at his friends and joined them in conversation. This was also of course, how he met Kiku.

Kiku was another med student, one from Japan, interested in alternative medicines he had already spent some time in China, Russia, and Vietnam. Kiku also had the same interest in video games, introduced him to manga and anime, and would watch movies with him. It was to Kiku whom he revealed his heartbreak, Kiku who helped him move on, Kiku who had become his best friend, and it was Kiku who he eventually managed to fall for.

Alfred still held Arthur in his heart, but he wanted to be happy and Kiku was offering everything he had ever wanted. Kiku may not understand the physical touches as just reassurance to have someone close, and he may not enjoy public affection, but he never denied Alfred in public. Their friends knew they were together and respected their boundaries and Alfred never had to worry about if he was doing something wrong because Kiku, politely, shyly, cutely, would inform him if he was uncomfortable with what Alfred was doing.

Safe to say Alfred wasn't expecting to find Arthur's picture, it dredged up old memories of hurt and longing he had thought all but forgotten.

_/Flashback/_

_Alfred was excited. He and Arthur were on vacation with their friends and the hotel was beautiful. The trip couldn't have been planned better._

_He came and went as he pleased, leaving Arthur to relax as he wanted, but his friend's half-hearted smiled told him something wasn't right, especially when Arthur didn't talk to him for a few days. He caught sight of Arthur and smiled as he started walking over, but stopped short as he saw Francis behind Arthur and spin him around into a kiss._

_Alfred turned around, all thoughts of spending time with Arthur gone, hurt and rejection in their place. He wondered if Arthur's doubts were the reason he didn't want to tell their friends about him. Did he love Francis more?_

_He waited for Arthur to seek him out, drinking cheap wine as he stayed in his room. Arthur didn't come, didn't seek him out even just to spend a bit of time together._

_He didn't know that was the beginning of the end of their relationship._

_/Flashback End/_

Alfred didn't notice when his breath caught and he slid to the floor. He didn't feel the tears sliding down his face or notice his friends' worried glances as they caught sight of him as they walked in from their outing. He barely noticed Kiku sliding next to him and for the first time in their relationship offering comfort in a way Alfred desperately needed by hugging him.

Alfred's eyes shuttered closed as he sighed. He had waited for Arthur even now without realizing it and seeing his picture hurt. Talking to Matthew and asking after Arthur, checking to make sure he was all right, it was how he found out about Allison. He put the picture away. He had Kiku and that was enough for him.

He had found himself wondering about Arthur how and where he'd been, but Kiku was everything now and he couldn't stand to think of Arthur while next to Kiku.

"Alfred-kun?"

Alfred's breathing shuddered. "I'm okay…just wasn't expecting that, forgot about it if I'm honest."

Kiku nodded, unwilling to push for details. Alfred would share what he pleased when he was ready.

"What was that?" Lovino asked, a combination of curious and shocked by Alfred's sudden breakdown.

"I found a picture I wasn't expecting," Alfred said quietly. "Of the guy I loved since childhood who broke my heart."

Nothing more was said.

Weeks later

Alfred was surprised to run into Arthur and Francis in Italy, his time almost complete in internship and he would be returning home soon, but he didn't expect to see them here.

"Hey," Alfred greeted awkwardly. "How've you been?"

"Hello Alfred," Arthur returned. "I've been well, you?"

"I've been okay," he returned shuffling awkwardly. "So is this a thing?"

Arthur looked at him curiously until Alfred gestured with his hands at the two of them before Arthur got it and blushed. "No, no, Francis wanted to cheer me up after I broke up with Allison is all. He's a good friend," Arthur said softly.

"Oh."

"What about you?"

"I was just wandering for a bit. Kiku and I decided we were better as friends, no hard feelings there. He's brilliant."

"Oh."

"I missed you, ya know? It's like the world went dark and grey on me or something," Alfred commented shuffling his feet awkwardly. "It's been nice talking to you though."

"Me too," Arthur said, making Alfred look at him curiously from his aborted attempt to walk away. "I missed you too. You remind me of brighter days."

"Yeah." Alfred agreed. "I'll see you around."

Arthur looked at him.

"I'm going home soon. My internship is almost done."

Arthur smiled at that. Maybe Alfred would come home to stay.

"I've got to go, church, Lovino might strangle me if I'm late or interrupt the service."

"Sure thing," Arthur said awkwardly. He watched Alfred walk away and turned to Francis. "I need something to drink."

Francis frowned a bit but understood. Whatever had happened between them, it had left a lasting impact. They had never been so awkward, even when skirting around their feelings, as they were now. They had thought of each other for so long Francis didn't think they'd ever stop loving each other, but with what had happened it wasn't just a surprise. He couldn't understand why they were living life this way.

The next day Arthur found himself staring at Alfred's name on his phone. He wanted to change. Wanted to tell Alfred he was sorry. Wanted to tell Alfred he still loved him, but he was a coward and couldn't bring himself to hit call.

He jumped as his phone rang. Alfred's name lighting up the screen.

"Alfred?"

"Hey Arthur."

"I didn't think you'd call."

"I didn't either."

"Why did you?"

"I can't stop thinking about you. You're one my mind all the time. I still love you, never stopped really. Kiku helped, but there was a gaping hole in my heart that belonged to you and he understood. Not that it quite mattered since he was still hung up on Mei."

"I love you too…come back home?"

Alfred felt a smile spread across his face. "Of course."


	6. Epilogue: Crazy Girl

Arthur woke up in a haze of disorientation. The fight they had was awful and that dream…their fight and him leaving, walking away from Alfred and having to live without him, it was terrible and had felt so real that he was terrified it would be a reality. He turned over hoping to see Alfred still asleep, frowning when he realized Alfred wasn't there. He shot up in a panic and tried to calm himself walking down the stairs, catching sight of Alfred at the door.

He walked towards him, arms crossed. "Where are you going?"

Arthur could see Alfred tense, but he answered nonetheless. "I'm leaving, letting you go."

Arthur stared at him almost uncomprehendingly. Those were perhaps the last words he had expected to hear, an echo of his dream and he shivered at the loneliness the idea brought. A life without Alfred because of some stupid fight, it wasn't worth losing the love of his life for, it wasn't worth their constant fighting and struggles.

Alfred continued, unaware of Arthur's inner turmoil, "You made me promise I would someday at the start of this. That I would leave and let you go if it was clear we aren't any good for each other. We can't keep doing this Art…Arthur," Arthur practically flinched at Alfred's lack of nickname. "We only hurt each other. I needed last night. One last night to love you with all I have and let you go so we stop this."

Alfred unlocked the door and rested his hand on the knob, Arthur felt his breath hitch. "Goodbye, Arthur."

Before Alfred could open the door Arthur wrapped his arms around his waist. "Don't go Alfred. You know I…"his voice was thick with emotion his throat preventing the escape of the words he wanted to stay. Alfred turned in Arthur's arms wrapping the smaller male in his embrace. Arthur never wanted Alfred to go.

Arthur continued as he hadn't been able to in his dreams. "Sometimes I'm going to cry and you should know that I'll walk away, but we're lovers. We're going to have a fight or two but I'd never change what we have. You should know how much I love you, not anyone else would ever match this."

Alfred felt a smile curve as he pressed his lips to Arthur's forehead. "You're crazy if you think I'd be able to walk away that easy, leave and end it all. I love you and I am never changing my mind. I need you and wouldn't dream of going anywhere without you or staying at your side."

To reinforce his words Alfred touched his lips to Arthur's in a soft, chaste kiss. He pulled out things in the kitchen while Arthur got dressed and took him to the park, watching Arthur among nature and dragging him to what they had claimed was their spot where they had met as kids. "I adore you, you know."

It was a statement of fact. There was no question or hesitation and it made Arthur smile. This was probably the first public outing where they were a couple and didn't care who saw. Arthur refused to deny Alfred anymore. He was no longer uncertain, this was his place and they were exactly where they needed to be.

"Hold me?"

"Of course. Have I told you I love you like crazy lately?"

"No, but I love to hear it," Arthur said, his smile widening a bit.

They sat on the grass, completely engrossed in each other but remaining in a companionable silence. Alfred finally couldn't help but ask, "What brought this on?"

Arthur shook his head. "Nothing much...I was just thinking that I wouldn't last a day without you. That without you here I would just fade away and lose my mind. With how I was before we met I think I might have chosen to live life wrong if I hadn't met you."

Alfred's lips quirked as he said, "Well the smartest thing I think I've ever done is make you all mine."

"I love you, you know. I don't think I could ever imagine my life without you. Everything would always pull us back together in the end," Arthur commented, smiling and laying his head in the juncture of Alfred's neck.

Alfred smiled at the idea of never having to leave Arthur, of wiping away the uncertainty and showing everyone just how beloved Arthur was to him.

"Marry me?"

Arthur tilted his head up and looked into Alfred's eyes. Alfred continued with his proposal, "I can't imagine life without you either, and I want them all to know how crazy I am about you. I've loved you for so long and I want to show them how much you mean to me."

"I wouldn't dream of anything better, Al, but first, you need to intern," Arthur commented, making Alfred pull him impossibly closer as he kissed the man he loved.

"I thought you wanted me to finish things here," Alfred whispered against his lips.

"I was thinking it could be an early honeymoon. I hear Italy is beautiful," Arthur whispered as well, as they leaned forward and kissed again. This was everything he wanted and needed. Alfred could drive him crazy, but he supposed that was the best part of being in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…this chapter was inspired by the song Crazy Girl by the Eli Young Band. Anyone else get pissed off when your laptop deletes the completed work and you have to type the entire chapter all over again? Welcome to what happened the night this was written, because the first version was much better and I'm pretty damn pissed about the loss. Please drop a review/comment and let me know what you thought of this story, for those who don't have accounts I don't block anonymous reviews because I welcome any and all.


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